Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Mrs JP's New Adventures in Satellite TV

JP and I have been enjoying Dish Network so far. We’ve got HD programming on two TVs and a DVR that can share programming between two TVs. It also seems to be less expensive, we get all of that for the same price we were paying for SD and no DVR with Directv. Plus we get Versus. I called to cancel our Directv subscription, here’s how the conversation went once I finally figured out which numbers to press:

Directv: Thank you for calling Directv, my name is James, may I help you.

Mrs JP: (Woo-hoo! This guys seems to speak English as a first language!) Yes, I’d like to cancel my service.

Directv: OK, do you mind if I ask why you’re cancelling?

Mrs JP: I’m cancelling because you are no longer carrying the Versus channel.

Directv: And what kind of programming did you watch on Versus.

Mrs JP: Indy Car racing.

Directv: (Silent pause…) hmm, you mean NASCAR?

Mrs JP: No, Indy Car… like the Indianapolis 500. I’d like to cancel as of today.

Directv: That’s NASCAR.

Mrs JP: No, NASCAR races the Brickyard 400 at Indianapolis, they’re different races.

Directv: But they’re the same thing, right?

Mrs JP: No, they’re very different. Indy Car is open wheel racing. Can I please cancel my service?

Directv: Huh? (Another silent pause…) How is it different?

Mrs JP: Well… Indy Cars’ wheels are open, there are no fenders like there are in NASCAR.

Directv: But the NASCAR cars do have fenders.

Mrs JP: Yes, I know, I just said that. The Indy Cars do not have fenders. They also don’t have a roof.

Directv: Doesn’t the driver fall out when they flip.

Mrs JP: The driver is strapped in and they try not to flip. (Thinking to myself… am I really having this conversation?)

Directv: They must not go that fast then. Is it like go-kart racing?

Mrs JP: Actually, they go faster than NASCAR. Can I please cancel my service?

Directv: Go-karts that go faster than NASCAR?

Mrs JP: They’re not actually go-karts. Can I please cancel my service?

Directv: Well they sound like go-karts.

Mrs JP: Fine, they’re go-karts. I’d like to cancel my service because Directv is no longer carrying Versus which I used to watch go-kart racing on.

Directv: Ma’am, I don’t believe that Versus would broadcast go-kart racing.

Mrs JP: I know that, they carry Indy Car racing which I would like to watch but can’t watch with Directv because you no longer carry Versus.

Directv: My documentation here states that Directv is still in negotiations to carry Versus. There is a possibility that we will be able to bring that channel back.

Mrs JP: Do you think you’ll have Versus back by next weekend? That’s when the season starts.

Directv: And what season would that be? Spring? No, ma’am, spring doesn’t start until the end of the month.

Mrs JP: No, Indy races start next weekend. Can I get a confirmation on that cancellation?

Directv: Wouldn’t it still be a little cold to be go-karting in Indiana next weekend?

Mrs JP: We live dangerously here. Will you please cancel my service?

Directv: Yes, I can cancel you as of today.

Mrs JP: Thank you.

So, after a 15 minute conversation about racing I have cancelled my Directv service. This may be the first time I have ever wished that I had been able to speak to someone in India.

Here’s to a great season!

3 comments:

  1. OMFG. I hope that was a fake conversation. I'm cracking up and crying all at the same time.

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  2. This is hilarious. Thanks for sharing it!

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  3. The other day, I tried to explain a 14-year-old cousin of mine the different types of auto racing, with help from a German-language 1999 motorsport season magazine. Even though the pictures showed very different cars, she got lost in a minute.

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