Saturday, May 7, 2011

Man Beheaded in Turn 3 Hot Sauce Incident

Tragedy struck this afternoon at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway as a spectator in the turn three infield was beheaded by a Brickyard Burger loaded with a critical mass of Cholula Hot Sauce.  Frank McIlhenney a resident of Ashland, WI, was in town for the 100th anniversary of the Indianapolis 500.  A crowd of stunned onlookers gathered to gawk at the headless body still twitching from the lingering Jalapeno impulses.
The day had started out on a much happier note for McIlhenney as he was named the Cholula Fan of the Day after visiting the Cholula facebook page  McIlhenney was recognized in front of millions of IMS fans as the fan of the day, presented with a 6’ tall gold bottle containing 15 gallons of Cholula Original Hot sauce and had his face immortalized on the side of the Borg Warner Trophy.
“He was so happy” said the recently widowed Penny McIlhenney.  “I could tell as he posed with the giant bottle of hot sauce. He enjoyed his first Pole Dog with a little of the Original Cholula sauce on it.  He said it was the best one ever, the spiciness brought out flavors in the dog he had never tasted before.  But then he started to experiment, on his second Pole Dog he added some of the Chilli Lime variety in addition to the original.  There was a crazed look in his eye, when he got to eating his Brickyard Burger.  We couldn’t stop him: First a splash of Original, then a dab of the Chilli Lime, then a dash of the Chipotle, then he reached for the Chilli Garlic.  I Screamed no baby, NOT THE CHILLI GARLIC, No Baby.  But he wouldn’t listen.  He started eating and his face was filled with a strange fascination as it turned from yellow, to orange to bright red and then his head just blew up.  It was horrible, just like the Aliens in Mars Attacks!”
Mrs McIlhenney overcome with grief, was unable to talk to the press further.  Shortly thereafter a fight broke out between opportunistic onlookers attempting to claim ownership of the giant trophy bottle of hot sauce. 
Cholula is a mainstay at Izod Indycar races.  “Cholula has been a part of the Grand Prix of Long Beach for more than 10 years now without serious incident” said Esteban Lomez, President of Cholula.  We hand out free bottles to everyone in attendance at Long Beach and the fans enjoy Cholula responsibly.  The Indy Fans are so accustomed to bland food that when Cholula brings the taste of their food alive they go overboard. 

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